The official website of Ria April Avalon, a contemporary poet and lyricist


Here goes the poetry I wrote within the past nine years. No more illusions, just reflections about real life (and about mature romantic feelings).


My Bad Season

The jolly October leaves
Are dancing, and they don't care
Where else they are gonna be
Whenever a high wind blows.
I'm trying to make believe
The wind of bad fate can't scare
My sanity out of me.
Could someone put time on pause
Before it's all deadly gray?
This wind's leading us astray.

I wish I woke up at the end of last year
To nice Christmas flavors, all love and no fear,
Feel joy with no shame, drink to beauty and peace,
The world with no borders... Tomorrow all this
Will be an old dream that we all reminisce
About and discover how much we all miss,
How little we know and how little we need -
Be safe and be sane, be united, be freed.

The jolly October leaves
Are dancing, and they don't care
Where else they are gonna be
Whenever a high wind blows.
I'm trying to make believe
The wind of bad fate can't scare
The fighter that lives in me.
Could someone put time on pause
Before it's all deadly gray?
This wind's leading us astray.

I'd rather escape to my alien planet,
This world's ill with cruelty, bias and greed,
If there was a god, he would certainly ban it,
He wouldn't just watch people suffer and bleed.

But I'll stay for love, go wherever it takes me,
Just like autumn leaves, and my bad season makes me
A better inspirer, a diamond so precious,
It's formed under pressure. I'll rise from the ashes,
Like I am the Phoenix, and nothing is stronger
Than love that will last an eternity longer.

The jolly October leaves
Are dancing, and they don't care
Where else they are gonna be
Whenever a high wind blows.
My love's helping me believe
The wind of bad fate can't scare
The fighter that lives in me,
The fighter that lives in me.


A Strong Woman

A strong woman is not the one
Who won't cry or will swallow tears,
She'll observe, understand and embrace
Her emotions.
A strong woman is not the one
Who denies or suppresses fears,
She is ready to bravely face
Any threat and retain devotion
To her views and her one true self.

She won't settle for something less
Than she dreams of, than she deserves,
She knows certainly what, where and why
She's been seeking.
She won't talk to impress a man
Or keep silent to save his nerves,
But in her every word he can
Hear the wisdom, he can't deny
That she feels when the time is right
To keep speaking.

She's not perfect at everything,
She admits that she has some flaws,
But whatever she chose to do
Is her passion.
You're much luckier than you think
If your love is the goal she chose,
As she won't stop inspiring you
For new victories, roads, confessions
So that you can inspire her, too.

I Promise You

When I fell
To many little pieces,
When I let
My fears take over me,
When I felt
Like half of me was missing,
You could bring it home and set me free
From all that hell.

When the war
For my own truth was raging,
When I found
That I could hardly fight
My spirit started aging.
I'll put down my arms cause day and night
Your arms save me.
After Morpheus steals you from me, I will turn on the kettle,
Take my favorite unicorn cup and, enjoying some tea,
I'll keep fighting my last but incredibly challenging battle
On my own - to become the best possible version of me.
It's all for you.
Follow me,
My secret door is waiting,
There's a new
Adventure we'll enjoy,
Love's the key,
Together, we're creating
Something that no demon can destroy.
I promise you
You'll get addicted to my way
Of living life; it's not a race,
It's an exciting journey,
Almost every day
You'll find a new emotion, flavor, place...
After Morpheus steals you from me, I will turn on the kettle,
Take my favorite unicorn cup and, enjoying some tea,
I'll keep fighting my last but incredibly challenging battle
On my own - to become the best possible version of me.
I promise you
I'll get addicted to your way
Of living life like it's a game
That simply has no losers,
Just relax and play,
The rules may change, but no one is to blame.
But there is something that will never change -
Through years, we'll love each other all the same.
Hold My Heart

My heart's calm when it beats in your hand,
And your pulse resonates in my core,
I know everything's going as planned,
And my peace is restored.

When I can't fall asleep on silk sheets
With a lavender scent, soft yet cold,
My heart anxiously skips a few beats,
It's too heavy to hold.

In the world where love's always at stake,
There's one corner where I feel secure,
If I see you and know I'm awake,
I have reached it for sure.

I will show you new colors of night
If you don't let me stay in the blue,
I'm not perfect, but my brighter side
Will look perfect to you.

Let your energy flow through my space,
Let my sea reunite with your shore,
And one day I won't leave your embrace,
But I'll keep wanting more.


A troop of invaders ran through
My orderly secret heart space,
While some only wanted to see
The alien beauty in it,
The others were rummaging there,
Left everything in the wrong place,
But they could steal nothing at all
Except for invisible bits.

Those bits were replaced in a while,
But now I'd be ready to trade
A few of the newly found gems
If only I got my time back,
The time I spent mending the mess
The bravest intruders had made,
But new ones kept coming till I
Took arms to repel the attack.

I put iron wire all around,
I really don't like making war,
I thought with that silent defense
There would be no fights anymore.
But now my two opposite sides
Are restlessly fighting in me:
I want to invade someone's world,
But shouldn't he give me the key?

Two Puzzle Pieces

So I'm here in my den, where I'm hiding again,
To avoid being part of this lame circus show,
I'd prefer just one part that I perfectly know,
That I've written myself, from my heart, for a man
Who is there in his comfy invisible cage,
Watching me through the screen and reliving the scene
From the dream that we both, at one moment, were in,
It was born to false hope on an endless black page,
But it still spices up all this crazy routine.

We could happily live like a queen and a king
Till the end of the age, in the true freedom land,
Non-existent. But two boundless minds, and four hands,
And two passionate hearts can create anything!
I don't claim that it's easy, but easy aren't we,
What if we are the two puzzle pieces that fit
No one else but each other? Let's finally see!
If it's been nothing more than mischievous deceit,
Why does some stubborn force always draw you to me?



I know
Why my heart is aching so,
There's a magnet
And love matter it would pull,
Contradicting every rule,
But it can't yet -
This love matter is out of its field.
New feelings can neither grow
Nor be gently killed.

The arms where I belong
Are holding no one,
The long nights on the phone
Are not the same fun,
The magnet in my chest
Won't ever calm down,
It's always looking west...

I don't
Lose my grip on what I want,
I've been striving,
But my broken hands are tied,
And my pleas are still denied,
Tell me one thing:
Do I look like a desperate fool
Because every single time
I break my main rule?

And between my holy battles
I drink cherry wine to sleep,
My reflection in the third glass
Is about to laugh or weep,
When I'm closer to the bottom,
I can taste my solitude.
Where is he who thinks I'm lovely
In my purple salty mood?

The arms where I belong
Are holding no one,
The long nights on the phone
Are not the same fun,
The magnet in my chest
Won't ever calm down,
It's always looking west...


I saw my favorite missed city in a dream,
A wooden tram was slowly flowing through its veins,
A stranger offered me a drink, I went with him,
And sweet mulled wine released the tension in our brains.

It was December, slightly snowing, not yet cold,
The streets were ready for a jolly Christmas fair.
I wish I had a vague idea of how old
I was that day. I hope I saw my future there.

The stranger offered me a home where I could stay,
I got a warm exciting feeling in my chest,
The place was cozy, in a bit of disarray,
But I felt safe, as always hoping for the best...

In gray November, half to nowhere, I'm awake,
And so is hope. It's firmly breaking through the net
Of unforgiveness, fear, uncertainty, heartbreak,
To make me bloom for someone whom I've not met yet.


Who can ever describe how it feels
When a person you perfectly knew
Is replaced by a shadow that steals
All the dreams they have given to you?
And they let this cold shadow erase
All the virtues you quickly fell for.
These are dark and unfortunate days,
But they swore love would bear even more.
You are speechlessly looking at them,
But the pleasure of silence is gone.
You still hope you've been holding a gem,
An unusual chameleon stone,
When it's just a plain pearl of small weight
That won't shine in two beautiful rings,
And you both try to self-isolate,
Fly away on your jaded gray wings. 



A brave magician and a writer
Are to create one masterpiece,
Ignite a flame without a lighter
And tell a story in a kiss.
We'll travel far across the oceans,
Defeat the storms along the way,
Our ship is fueled with new emotions,
And even if it goes astray,
We will be happy anywhere -
A sunny island with white sand,
A foggy town, a frozen land.
I'll be your fire, you'll be my air,
And when our long adventures end,
We'll cuddle in a soft armchair,
Drink sweet vermouth and reminisce.
There's never too much love to share,
Our future is our masterpiece.


I'm Not Crying

Believe me, I'm not crying, it's the wind to blame,
I know its flying song will never be the same,
But every sudden time I walk that avenue,
I'm back to autumn, I get cold, awaiting you.
The empty windows wake the feeling I can't fight,
Yet I'm not crying, it is sorrow, full of light.

This city stole and lost my soul's another shard,
But I still hope to find it safe in someone's yard,
Where I will watch the summer dusk and drink champagne,
And in October say goodbye to take a plane
To any place with tender nights and sunny days.
I'll break the circle and return to this blue haze.

A queen of spades is meant to find her faithful king,
A silent soul will soon remember how to sing,
The tricky way to my new home has started here,
And though the route and destination are unclear,
My mind still takes me back to our avenue,
Where I am hurried by the wind to come to you.


The Underwater Volcano 

The underwater volcano is waking, 
Wounds, bleeding flames, open wide in the sea, 
Its tender face is invisibly breaking, 
Waves of new feelings are capturing me. 

Passion so cold, lonely freedom, high sorrow... 
Maybe I'm merrily going mad, 
Just like an actress, I'd willingly borrow 
Different new lives till the day when I'm dead. 

Lives, full of ardor and soul, unrefined, 
Lives, where adventures are easy to find, 
Lives, where I'm safe when I dance on a blade, 
Lives, where I get my best parts - their price has been paid. 

The underwater volcano is blazing, 
Wounds on the bottom are still bleeding flames, 
Waves of new changes are fiercely erasing 
Old bitter memories, images, names. 

Everything ends, and the storm will get calmer, 
Young scarlet dawns will appear once again, 
I will enjoy rare moments of summer 
Till the volcano wakes up anywhen. 

Too Late to Surrender

"It's never too late to surrender" - I thought, 
Alone in my army, I restlessly fought, 
Collected new trophies to keep them unseen: 
Although I am proud of the battles I win, 
I keep them a secret, and nobody knows 
My strategy, losses and worst ever foes. 
This way I could never imagine defeat 
Or settle for less than the world at my feet. 
However, these days I am strangled by fear, 
My shield is half-broken, the end is unclear, 
I'd like to give up just one desperate fight, 
To live like the rest and sleep calmly at night, 
To simply dissolve in this ignorant bliss. 
But sanity says: "You're way better than this, 
It's only a weakness you cannot afford!" 
And so, with hands bleeding, I'm holding the sword. 
Sometimes it is pointless to fight against fate, 
I'd like to surrender, but it is too late. 

Hold Me

Hold me close to your heart, let me hear the new chords in its beat,
All your sadness and hope and a bittersweet beauty in it,
I won't steal too much space, only some occupied by the pain
I can never erase, but my colors will also remain. 
Talk to me with no words, I will hear every story you tell,
All the shades of the sun in your eyes you are hiding so well
Keep me warm through this autumn that feels like an endless replay
Of my bad summer dreams. Even if I'm an ocean away,
Hold me close to your heart, and the bounds won't exist anymore,
I'm a kid of the sea, but sometimes let me come to your shore
To feel safety and peace for a while, and again I will flee,
But since then I may never get back to the jaded old me. 


I feel I'm free to find new treasures anywhere,
I'm moving forward at an ever-growing speed,
I have no brakes, I crash so hard and I don't care
The part of me I left behind begins to bleed.

I'll let it bleed until it dies in silent pain
And finds 
new peace in this severe northern sea,
But when it's buried, little pieces will remain
In crystal raindrops that will sing old lies to me. 

Deceptive memories are easy to create,
They're like a picture that a blind magician drew,
Who knew the pencil would inevitably fade
Though every scene appeared to be sincere and true?

So I'm not staying where false memories reside,
I'd better heal my broken dreams beneath the sun
Until it gently burns the tender beast I fight,
I need to find the shortest way, breathe deep and run.

There for You

Even if all the oceans and rivers go dry
And the stars disappear in the dark midnight sky,
If a wild hurricane turns our world into sand,
I'll be there for you, and together we'll stand.

We will find a new home in the land of the dawn
And enliven the dream we have already drawn,
Love will make any desert a green paradise 
With the sun in your hands and the sea in my eyes.

I will burn all your fears to protect you from cold,
I will treasure all beautiful stories you've told
In the best ever song I have yet to create,
I'll be there for you. It is well worth the wait.


New Part of Me

We're so far apart, but I hear your voice every night,
It tells me the way to the place where I'll see you again,
You're waiting for me in my dreams, and I'll reach you despite
A storm in my mind that can make me get lost anywhen.

A piece of your heart I'm to keep has become part of me,
I promise it's safe in my hands, and I won't let it break,
I quickly lose sight of the shore from this boundless sea
vivid emotions your kisses could suddenly wake.

You helped me discover new things in my own secret space,
Our fragrances
colors and signs make a mixture, so sweet,
You gave me my best ever spring for a few winter days,
I wrote a new chapter of life and you made it complete.


A Million Me

There's a million me, but you've seen only two, 
Maybe there is a man who'll discover the rest, 
Who will read the unwritten, not simply look through, 
Who will free me from all the unsaid in my chest

My eye color has many invisible hues, 
But you'll see them if deep in your heart there's a sky, 
I believe you can't walk half a mile in my shoes, 
I won't blame you for that. I will teach you to fly.

I play many new parts in the worlds I embrace, 
There's a million pieces my puzzle contains, 
Those broken or stolen are hard to replace, 
So I'm trying my best to protect what remains.


Simply Immaculate 

There's a storm in my heart, every beat's a rebellious scream, 
There's a mist in my head when I try to remember the dream 
I was watching last night, but my mind has been poisoned by thoughts 
begin with "If I"... Wine and sleep are my best antidotes. 

There's moonlight in my eyes, and sometimes I do feel like a guest 
From a far-away planet, unable to live like the rest. 
I may bleed just the same, but I'm made of some different clay, 
I just want a pure life, free of games I deceptively play. 

I just want a small world where I'm safe and inspired to live 
Like a kid, with my door open wide, with a heart on my sleeve, 
Where no question's unanswered, and answers don't have to be right, 
But this simply immaculate life can't last more than a night.



My heart is like a blooming garden,
And everyone who passes by
Just picks the most precious flowers,
In people's hands they quickly die. 

You throw away the wilting petals
And never plant another rose,
But I can't see my world half-empty,
I'll let no stranger get too close. 

I'll save what's left of latter beauty,
I'll build an everlasting wall,
I've learned the lesson for my future:
Don't trust a single man at all. 

And if a wonder ever happens,
A stem will break through my heart's shell.
It will remind me of my essence,
My totem flower - immortelle. 


Halfway to Nowhere

We met for no reason, halfway to nowhere,
Somehow you deceived my illusion-proof mind,
You told me a tale of a perfect affair,
I wrote it in rhyme, but I left it unsigned. 

I drown reminiscence in sweet alcohols,
Your wraith disappears in front of my eyes,
And I realize every memory's false,
But how can I break these invisible ties?

Your tenderest words are replayed in my head,
The echo of wisdom repeats: "It's a lie".
I'd like to believe you or simply forget,
But I can do nothing. It's pointless to try.

I'd like to believe I'll be ever alive
In some of your dreams, in the depth of your heart,
But when you are ready to take a deep dive, 
You might well discover I've fallen apart. 

I've sworn to myself I won't yield to despair,
This time I won't wait till my blood all runs dry,
I'll probably meet you halfway to nowhere
To kiss you once more and to tell you goodbye. 


Finally Sober

I have to survive these cold eves in October, 
I let acid rains wash my 
colors away, 
My chemicals fade, but I'm finally sober, 
I try to get rid of the cards I can't play. 

My heart has turned gray, but this way I can heal it: 
Creating bright hues that the world's never seen, 
I'll paint a new dream. Now no one will steal it - 
I won't write about it, I'll keep it within. 

I'll play the same part, but I'll change decorations, 
I'll sing the same song, but I'll alter the pitch. 
I'm gonna explore many new destinations - 
My only true home won't be easy to reach. 


A New Flame

Dark threatening silence. A whirlwind of thoughts at midnight. 
The air is cold, and the light of the lantern has died. 
A flame in my heart keeps on glowing like never before, 
I feel it so slowly burning me down to the core. 

I'm trying to fuel up this flame with some strawberry wine, 

I'm drinking and dreaming of something that has to be mine, 
I'm all made of stone, and this fire is carving my face, 
It makes me feel safe anytime and in any new place. 

My heart is a pearl in a shell, it's not easy to break, 
Not easy to open, discover or suddenly wake, 
But since there is someone who's done all this magic to it, 
It's out of tune, but sweet harmony feels in each beat. 

I hope that a wonder will turn this gray autumn to spring, 
The voice deep inside me will get inspiration to sing, 
colors of passion will paint this new world in my head... 
But can it be real? There's an answer I might never get. 



Today I'm wearing a kind magician's mask, 
Tomorrow I will hide behind another changing guise, 
I'll gladly answer every question that you ask, 
And it may be the 
colored truth or somewhat honest lies. 

My every movement, every sound of my voice 
Is full of grace, majestic charm and never-ending glee. 
My life's a carnival. What's left to do? Rejoice 
And dance on ruins of my past as people look at me. 

My mask is changing shape, but you can't notice it, 
It hurts you much to look 
inside my burning eyes for long, 
And I believe it doesn't count as deceit - 
You've got a chance to read my mind, but you have read it wrong. 

I'm drunk on freedom, I don't even need more wine, 
colors, music, cheerful flirt, no time to feel despair, 
But when it's over, I lose energy to shine, 
I need another breath of fresh exhilarating air.

Parallel Worlds

All the faces I'm catching sight of are so well-known: 
My good friends, my desired lovers, the living dead, 
Me and dear guests from the beautiful dreams I had, 
From my parallel worlds. It seems like they have been drawn 
With a magic pencil that always obeys my hand, 
And creates an exciting moment without an end. 
I enjoy these pictures that nobody else can see, 
And my crazy schemes appear to be so true, 
I can alter shapes or erase anything I drew 
Till I get a new masterpiece that's ideal for me. 
But tomorrow I will do it some other way - 
I'll recall some more things and faces I can portray, 
And today I am deep in thought. Who may I have been 
In the new ever-changing worlds all those people build? 
I'm a thousand different people, it gets me thrilled, 
If two parallel roads cross, there is my heart twin.

Two Lives

I'm good at painting someone else's pain,
Love stories that a stranger reminisces
With rhymes that build new worlds inside my brain,
But once the song's complete, they fall to pieces. 

I have another life for just one day
And live through all emotions I'm to render,
But it's not me, it's just a part I play,
A person with no past, no age, no gender.

My usual life is better, as it's true,
But when I'm back to it, I feel much colder,
I wish my inner fire burned anew,
This time I hardly even feel it smolder.

I often wonder if there is someone
Who'll help my heart discover some new feeling,
Who also wants the cruel past undone,
Who'll join my future journey, twice as thrilling. 

A Dreamy Place

I'm walking around the city,
Its beautiful streets are covered with flower beds,
Surrounded by happy couples and newlyweds,
I'm late for another meeting
With my special friend, but he hasn't shown up yet.

Some cheerful street musicians
Are playing a well-forgotten but lovely tune,
The sun shines hot, and it finally feels like June,
A wandering old magician
Is showing me a trick with a big balloon.

I'm looking around the city,
I can't recognize its bridges and boulevards,
Its peaceful and friendly people, its blooming yards,
Red rooftops that look so pretty...
It's like an amazing picture for greeting cards.

My friend hasn't come to see me,
I don't have missed calls, he doesn't pick up the phone,
Oh well, I'll enjoy this wonderful day alone,
This place is so warm and dreamy,
And I will explore its secrets until the dawn. 

It seems the new morning's distant,
But suddenly all the streets disappear in mist,
Reality wants me back, and I can't resist. 
That city is non-existent,
Those streets and that special friend simply don't exist. 


I hear a deafening, threatening voice through my sleep.
Who's following me while I'm having a lonesome trip
To faraway dreamworlds where time goes faster than here?
It's getting much louder, I'm 
so paralyzed by my fear.
Who's near me? Why can I hear you but can't even see?
Then several ugly men's faces appear in front of me. 
I'm looking at vague blurry features, not able 
to recognize
These men. I'm not sure if I knew them. My memory's really wise. 
It always erases wrong people for good from my mind and heart
To help me get rid of a virus that won't let my brain restart. 
They're speaking a weird language, the one I have never heard,
I'm staring at them. I'm speechless. I don't understand a word. 
The raindrops are madly drumming, this noise wakes me up at last,
My eyes can still see that picture, those shades of my gloomy past,
But they are too weak to break me, I won't even start a fight,
My memory will protect me. My mind will erase this night.

The Power of Words

I believe
In the beautiful power of words
That we write
To create other worlds we can cherish. 
In their flight
They are coupled with musical chords,
They retrieve
Inspiration and won't let it perish. 

Just one line
That is born to a poet's insights
Is a force
Which can instantly alter your vision,
And, of course,
You feel ready to reach some new heights,
It's a sign 
You should make an important decision. 

And sometimes
Words can paint you a beautiful scene,
So it seems
That your life is much richer and brighter,
All your dreams
Are revived from the daily routine.
Tricky rhymes
Bring new joy to the reader and writer. 

Be Free

Drink sweet sparkling wine from a beautiful glass,
Today's a new day, so why not celebrate?
Take off your black suit and put on your best dress,
Enjoy every trifle before it's too late. 

Go out in the street and give people your smile, 
Don't care if you seem to be slightly insane.
Be loud, spontaneous, wild, volatile,
Be free - you can break the invisible chain.

Don't search for right words, only speak from your heart,
The world will believe every story it tells,
And maybe it's time for another brave start
In case you still want to become someone else. 

All people will see a new flame in your eyes
If you keep them open and stay unafraid,
Discover the wonder in every disguise
And seize every moment cause soon it will fade.

My Sea

If my sea
Is so smooth, crystal clear and warm,
All the ships sail away from the land. 
Let me see
When there's going to be a new storm,
Who'll escape and who'll stand till the end.

If the sun
Lights the surface right after the tide,
And tranquility feels in the air,
Will someone
Dive to check what my deep waters hide?
There are plants and blue pearls everywhere.

Tell me what
Can excite and appease you like this?
Jolly waves sing a song to the shore.
So why not
Just indulge in this beautiful bliss
And discover a new secret door?

Every Love

Every love is another small life that you cannot relive, 
When it's over, the flame in your heart is about to die, 
But one day you are fully revived, you are glad to believe 
There is somebody waiting for you underneath the same sky. 

Every love mixes all the bright colors that shine in your heart,
And sometimes you can even discover new beautiful hues 
Or big secrets about yourself as you play the new part 
Of a savior, hopeless lover, creator, or muse. 

It can make you a desperate victim of self-sacrifice 
Or a poet of blues, seeking pleasure and beauty in pain, 
Yet you'll never be able to finish this part even twice - 
Once you fail it, you try one more time, but it's all been in vain. 

Love can come to your world in a strange and astonishing guise, 
Don't get blinded until you can clearly see its true face. 
It can suddenly strike you, be ready for such a surprise, 
Let it conquer your heart but make sure that it leaves you free space.

Freedom Fighters

Mighty Big Brothers are watching all people from distance,
Trying to hack every brain by TV and newspapers,
Armies of clones are unable to show resistance
To the corrupted and biased opinion shapers.

Feeding the crowds with lies, they don't tackle starvation,
Playing a dangerous game, they don't care what happens.
Fighters for freedom and thinkers who speak for the nation
Can be destroyed and defeated by their own weapons.  

Make a repost from a blog - win a travel to prison,
Stand in your truth till the end - it will still be unspoken. 
Those who want to be heard need a very good reason,
That is the freedom of speech, devastated and broken.

It is the same boring scene with some fresh decorations
On the political stage. But we need new playwriters,
Striving for justice in public and human relations,
Speaking the mind of those desperate fearless fighters. 


Time Travel

I wish a had a time machine
To see the younger me from distance
And watch those years on the screen,
My beautiful yet blind existence. 

I'd maybe change a thing or two
And see what happens in my travel,
Forgotten dreams could well come true,
I've got a puzzle to unravel.

The best of me would stay the same,
The same two wings would take me higher
To easy happiness and fame.
I'd watch this story and admire.

There's no one else I would become,
But this long way could be more pleasant.
I needed time, life gave me some,
And then I got my precious present. 

It's wisdom coming from the heart, 
It comes along with intuition.
I'm ready for another start
And for a new important mission.

A Silent Muse

I used to have two faces
And masks of any kind,
Two voices spoke inside me, 
Two lights were meant to blind me
When I was changing places
But couldn't get me blind.

A hopeless romantic
With many crazy schemes,
A messenger of Cupid
Who looked a little stupid
In this new world, so frantic,
I stayed between extremes.

I used to be a sinner,
And then I went through hell.
Unfiltered life seemed better
And nothing else would matter,
My shell was getting thinner,
It didn't do me well.

Today I'm shining brightly,
A thoughtful silent muse.
Creating art and beauty
Has been my only duty,
My heart is beating quietly, 
There's nothing else to lose.


My True Self

It storms, but I'm going on,
The best ever years are gone,
Another milestone's behind,
I keep all its lessons in mind.

When haunted by shades of regret,
I feel imperceptible fret,
They paint me what once could be mine,
Then sink in a bottle of wine.

I cannot erase my mistakes,
Undo them whatever it takes,
I wouldn't get back if I could,
Remorse will not do me much good. 

I'm living between the extremes,
Preferring one aim to all dreams,
I carved my true self out of ice
That turned into stone by surprise.

It's just a new stage of my youth,
And since I discovered my truth,
I'll stay sober-blooded and smart
And get only younger at heart. 



Fall asleep to the falling rain,
Listen to raindrops drumming,
Heaven cries for the earthly pain,
New thunderstorms are coming. 

See the lightning above the town
Striking like skies are breaking,
Crystal tears are falling down,
Eyes of the world are aching.

Heaven cries for the living dead,
Trying to warn the living
Or appease their pain instead,
Singing to all the grieving.

Will the rainbow ever shine,
Will all the colors show?
Should we trust every heaven's sign?
Guess we will never know. 


A Fair Game

It doesn't matter who you are,
A woman or a man,
A starlet or a super-star,
Or just another fan.

You may be straight, you may be gay,
You have the right to speak.
Don't mind what evil people say,
We all were born unique.

You may belong to any race,
Believe in any force,
You'll never have to hide your face
Once you can stop the wars

Between the people just like you
And armies of the rest
Who still deny your point of view
And proudly detest

The ones who differ anyhow.
But hearts are all the same!
Let's stop discrimination now
And play a fair game.


My Freedom
I sleep with my cat in my warm king-size bed
Men have no access to. It's driving them mad.
Those flowers, candles and diamond rings
Just won't make me happy or give me new wings.

It's only my freedom that I'll ever need,
My fame and success are sufficient indeed.
I won't play a game with my freedom at stake,
I've already tried it, and it's my mistake.

I sleep like a princess till late afternoon,
And true inspiration will come with the moon,
I'm free to create what I want, anywhen,
I'm fine with my papers, some wine and a pen.

The princess won't dream of becoming a queen:
I'll do anything to escape the routine.
If I am alone, the kingdom's all mine,
It's built with a pen and a bottle of wine.

What is time? A restless wheel
That will never cease to roll,
It may trick you, it may heal,
It can build a stone wall
Or a bridge between two sides,
Two big worlds of now and then,
Time is force, and it decides
Where changes come and when. 
I just wish I could deceive
Mighty time and change its speed,
Freeze it when I have to leave
Anyone I ever need,
Make it faster when the day
Seems much longer than the night,
Help this winter turn to May,
Chase the weeks in their flight.
But the clock will never lie,
And my magic spell won't do,
Time's eternal - feelings die,
Life is evanescent, too.

If I...

If I speak, it's always from the heart,
If I sing, my voice is like a bell,
Every song is more than simply art,
It's another tale for me to tell. 

If I play with fate, I always win,
If I start a game, I never quit,
If my fortune tricks me, I just grin,
If I fall apart, the pieces fit.

If I paint a wonder, it's all mine,
If I dream, I'm lost in time and space,
If I get too far, I see a sign,
I can recognize my demon's face.


Love Fever

People, this world isn't only for love,
Why do you worship it? Stop it! Enough!
It is a tale for a plain philistine,
Singing an ode to Saint Valentine. 

It's everywhere: in books, on the screen,
Sometimes it's stupid and sometimes - obscene,
Making the loners sad to the core;
Thoughtless romantics are asking for more.

Love's a contagious long-lasting disease,
It can destroy your ambitions with ease,
It is a game, both players can lose,
It's an illusion. Well, what do you choose?

Many small joys fill your everyday life,
Heal from this fever, be ready to dive
Into the sea that you've got to explore.
Love is a moment and life is much more.


Bitter and Beautiful

I'm bitter and beautiful, Ria by name,
I challenge my dreams in a dangerous game,
I'm less than a lover, yet more than a friend,
A difficult riddle for you till the end.

A poet of April, a daughter of spring,

I'm meant to be happy, I'm happy to sing,
My weapon is beauty, my word is a thorn,
I've changed many parts since the day I was born.

My life gave me wings and I'm learning to fly

To lands of wild orchids and endless July,
My heart has been changing its color and shape,
I'm lost in a maze, but I'll find the escape.


The Butterfly Effect

I wish the butterfly effect
Could ever work for me,
I'd like to see the life I wrecked,
The person I could be.

I'd be much wiser, change my mind

And play the magic chess,
I'd live the days I left behind
Another way, I guess.

I would erase my past mistakes...

Or make them even worse?
I'd just forget how much it aches
And never feel remorse.

What if..? What could it all have been?

The answer is unknown.
I see the pictures on the screen
My swollen mind has drawn.

I'm suffocated by regret,

This life's not truly mine,
I'd fall asleep and just forget,
Dissolve it all in wine.

I'd write a letter to the past,

Replay the fatal game.
But it's too late... I'll live at last,
I'll get my luck and fame.



This life is not a piece of cake,
Too much has happened by mistake,
But think what life is all about,
It's not that hard to figure out. 

It's such a mix of joy and pain,

Its magic drives us all insane,
It's like a puzzle you create
From moments you perpetuate.

A starry midnight on the shore,

A song you've never heard before,
A perfect day, a lover's kiss -
It's all for you to reminisce.

It is all yours and you decide

What makes the voice so deep inside
Sing ardently of endless spring
And life that could be anything.


The Younger Me

I'm searching for the younger me,
Together we'll survive.
The person that I used to be
Has ruined all my life.

I wish she helped me understand

What's hidden in the lies,
What demon forced her to pretend
And play a lover twice.

I wish she had a chance to know

One story of heartbreak
Is better than quick love on show,
Her hero was a fake.

I'm writing to the younger me,

The letters may be lost,
But words will find the addressee
One day at any cost.

"Remember, we were seventeen,

And you could love despite
The distance, waiting and routine,
It was your secret might.

You talked to loved ones in your dreams,
You knew what dreams could mean,

And that was love beyond extremes,
Sincere and pristine.

Embraces on the dirty floor

At late December nights,
One kiss that made you long for more
And blurry city lights...

Remember it... what have you done?
You've left it all behind.
I could be you, we could be one,
But I'm a different kind".


A Loner's Secret

What's loneliness? Freedom and space for reflection,
A vague shade of sadness that lurks and then fades,
A challenge to move in your own direction,
To be independent, to be unafraid.

But, making your way, you see someone who's farther

And feel like they've stolen a secret from you,
You try to catch up with this dangerous other
And learn that the secret is no way true.

You think you can read any thought of a stranger

Who makes you move forward, determined and fast,
And then you discover it's such a big danger -
Attraction, devotion... How long will it last?

Again it will lead to heartbreak and despair,

It's time to escape, slow down the pace
Until you're sure that nobody's there
And you can indulge in your lonely days.


 Boundless Sea

You just say you will always be there
When I need you right here with me;
I am trapped in the wave of despair,
Dreams escape to the boundless sea.

I indulge in the sense of December,

In the cinnamon scent I inhale;
This tranquility makes me remember
My old sweet Scandinavian tale.

It's the voice of Suomi that's calling

My still frozen heart to the North,
As the wheel of my fortune keeps rolling,
It is time to live on and move forth.

I'll keep moving in every direction,

I can change by my own free will;
On my way to complete resurrection
I'm the one at the steering wheel.

If I dare to change your embraces

To Norwegian winter's caress,
Will the blizzard conceal all the traces?
I'll be loving you, nevertheless.

I will meet you nowhen and nowhere,

In the depth of the boundless sea;
In my dreams you will always be there,
In my memories - here with me.

Digits of Love

I'd send you a dream in another e-mail
And open my heart to attach,
But it would be hard to explore and unveil,
Since digits and feelings don't match.

The digits of love are a changeable thing

Without a permanent code,
However, the vivid emotions they bring
Still fill the handwritten plain note.

My messages turned to a terrible mess,

Unfiltered, they bury the truth,
It's hard to conceal and it's hard to confess
They all are mistakes of my youth.

A look through the glass at the winter of fate

Reminds me of beautiful times
When magical digits from zero to eight
Appeared as love fixed in rhymes.

World Oblivion

Sometimes it's hard to welcome changes
And learn the art of letting go;
It's only fortune that arranges
And doesn't even let me know.

I need the key to solve the riddle

And make the scattered pieces fit;
I'm stuck somewhere in the middle
Between your truth and my deceit.

The answer's got, yet I'm not trying

To find the question that relates;
Escapism of my denying
Reveals the World Oblivion's gates.

Pearls to Diamonds

I've changed black pearls of cherished then
To sparkling diamonds of today,
It's all arranged, I've got a plan
At such small price as love to pay.

I'll sell my dreams as plain free verse

To any weekly magazine,
With no fear or remorse
I'll break the bounds of routine.

If my heartbeat is still upset,

I'll just select some different pitch
Or even try another fret
In search for harmony to reach.

The changing music in my head

Will always keep me in the wave,
I'm weaving future like a thread
For more to wish, for more to crave.

I'm leaving passion far behind

With its exhausted silent force,
No longer love will make me blind
Or seize my whole universe.


When loneliness pierces your heart like a thorn,
When memories seem to replay all your past,
When some contradictory feeling is born
To remnants of love that was not meant to last,
Your temple of hope is about to fall,
The shade of your sun is about to fade,
The wheel of your life is reluctant to roll,
It feels like a permanent dance on the blade.

You search for the answer in every small sign,

You trust every symbol, you wish on a star,
You drown your grief in a glass of mulled wine
You two used to drink in the same cozy bar.
You find the salvation in bittersweet lies,
In fact, it is clear like a crystalline ball:
Just look at yourself with your destiny's eyes,
You'll see love has never existed at all.

All of Me

I was born to become a magician,
I'm half-blind yet incredibly smart.
I am guided by my intuition,
I'm a goddess of wisdom at heart.

I'm no longer a slave of devotion,

I'm no longer a poet of spring.
I have managed to tame my emotion,
I'm a charming yet dangerous thing.

If you happen to see my reflection

In the lakes of the far-away North,
They just bury my latter perfection,
As I'm healing and going forth.

I discovered a new destination

At the moment I stepped off the edge.
My next novel's my own creation,
It is time to turn over the page.


On My Own

I'm privileged to be always alone,
It is a pleasure to live on my own.
I am myself, I don't have to pretend,
Playing the game with an obvious end.

Life is so misty, I'll paint it all bright,

Cheating on fate, I'll be always denied,
Lonely yet free - I have nothing to lose,
No compromise, no options to choose.

I am the one of a dangerous kind,

Try to imagine what comes to my mind!
Parallel ways are not meant to be one,
I am still free, and my past is undone.


Bound to Survive

I'm much less than perfect, I need to confess,
At moments I feel I'm a terrible mess.
Sometimes I surrender when tired to strive,
But look: in the end I am bound to survive.

This life is worth living to see all my foes

Too deep in the gutter, and here it goes:
I still have much time for fulfilling my plan.
The show is over - the battle began.

With broken arms bleeding I'll finish the fight

For those my heroes who suddenly died.
I'll yield to the pleasure to look in the eyes
Of those heartbreakers who told me sweet lies.

It seems I am cruel, but wouldn't you be

If only you knew what it's like to be me?
My heart has been pierced by a sharp poisoned thorn,
My life's been at stake since the day I was born.


But I'm getting stronger, I'm fully alive,
No matter what happens, I'm bound to survive.

Challenge the Unknown

If your heart is aching,
If your hands are shaking,
If your world is breaking,
It just means you feel.
Future is not clear,
Devils feed your fear,
Leave it in the rear,
Grasp the steering wheel.

If a star is falling,

It's your angel calling,
Keep the wheels on rolling,
Always move ahead.
Challenge the unknown,
Travel on your own,
Greet another dawn
Out of your bed.

The Formula of Life

Adding all the fractions in my head,
Multiplying wonder by regret,
Cheating on my dreams as they arrive,
I have got my formula of life.

I have messed the figures up a bit,

Searching for the truth in self-deceit,
Slightly unaware what they meant;
If they still don't match, it's not the end!

While capricious fortune is astray,

I will make the best of new today.
Think you hold the key to reach my heart?
I have changed the lock, it's just that smart.