Loving an illusion, a hero I created myself, and then parting with it all. Madness, passion and the final chords of another sad love song.
Madness
I'm riding the cloud of bright blanket dreams,
The coconut smoke entwines with the mist,
The potion of madness in violet streams
Is carving the urge that I cannot resist.
The mysteries find me still lying in bed,
Enjoying the pleasures of drunken grapefruit.
Just several gulps, and a room painted red
Will turn to a princess' incredible suit.
I'm a swift errand girl of my fortunate fate,
When my fantasies leak, the reality hides
In the weirdest world I could ever create
With my eyes tightly shut, with my heart as a guide.
A rose with sharp yet invisible thorns
Will bloom in my gardens in endless July -
The country of fairies and pink unicorns
Beneath the enchanting and welcoming sky.
I trust in the might of the element Earth,
However, the Air attracts me much more.
I'm hovering free and I feel the rebirth,
This madness is tempting like never before.
I'm a swift errand girl of my fortunate fate,
When my fantasies leak, the reality hides
In the weirdest world I could ever create
With my eyes tightly shut, with my heart as a guide.
I giggle and slap the reality's face,
I found salvation in madness' embrace.
I'm a swift errand girl of my fortunate fate,
When my fantasies leak, the reality hides
In the weirdest world I could ever create
With my eyes tightly shut, with my heart as a guide.
Only Dreaming
My arms held so tightly around your waist
Just spoke for me, as I'd got my lips sealed.
At least they indulged in a new better taste.
Embraced by temptations, I chose to yield.
This night was a blinding exhilarant flash
Of life that's unfiltered, of love that's pristine.
You found the beauty within such a crash,
You planted some hope in the dream world of mine.
But pleasure is gone like this cherry cigar,
The dawn didn't let fortune's secret unfold
Or give me a sign, leading where you are.
A dream half believed in is all that I hold.
Changes
I'm looking around and searching you there,
The bright prospect lights only frown as I stare,
My heart's getting lost in the shatters.
I know you'll pick them all up when you come,
And I'll never mind if you steal at least some,
Just keep them, and nothing else matters.
Those white and green lights got my secret revealed,
I'll write it all down and cherish it sealed,
One day it will find destination.
Whoever discovers the mystery penned,
They won't guess a word, I have got it all planned,
This madness becomes my salvation.
The eyes of the suburbs will warm and appease
My heart, ever-aching, with evident ease.
Your look in the window still shows.
It's fixed in the soul, it's fixed in the glass,
This moment can linger for good either pass,
It's changing. Well, destiny knows.
Evening
I'm breathing the smoke of fruit cigarettes,
One's already burnt, I am craving for more.
I'm lighting the last one with no regrets -
If you were beside me, it well could be four.
I'm slowly turning the key in my lock;
It usually takes me two minutes or three,
But I have been blind to the obstinate clock,
Alas, there is no one waiting for me.
My room has no present but treasures the past;
Its walls will recall every breath that we share...
I'm feeling so cold. I break down at last,
My papers will choke on the ink of despair.
My heart's like a violin's sound, unclear;
It's out of tune for a permanent matter.
I'll sign all these verses with only one tear
And seal with a sigh just to send with a letter.
Gifting a Dream
You're driving across the mysterious lands,
You're making your way to the sea and the shore.
Let go of the wheel and stretch out your hands,
Your secret desires will call you for more.
Midnight in July.
The boundless sky.
The signs in the violet mist.
The red and green lights
That shine through the nights
To show you dream islands exist.
The island of hope is the first on the way,
I'm waiting for you, I am already there.
With fingers entwined, with all thoughts gone astray
We'll lie by the water in silence and stare.
The sand as a bed.
Black roofs painted red.
A thousand small fireflies.
A bright navy sail.
Sweet scents we inhale.
Your charming and still dreamy guise...
Lands of Forever
Discover the lands of forever,
Of harmony, beauty and peace;
Your reverie's worth the endeavor
Of searching a moment to seize.
A moment to linger for years,
A perpetuated romance
Of two ever different spheres
That twist in a passionate dance.
This madness and charm are one whole,
As everything's possible there.
This unit will conquer your soul
And liven your dream if you dare.
Unravel the life you desire,
And fortune will paint it for you.
The forces of Water and Fire
Conspire to make it all true.
Portrait
I'll paint your sweet portrait with tightly shut eyes
With pleasure whenever you ask,
Though hands ever shaking and colder than ice
Do find it a difficult task.
I'll cherish the portrait and hang it above
My empty not warm enough bed
To guard all the secrets of mystery love
And clear the mess in my head.
The mirror that's placed on the opposite wall
Will certainly add to its charm,
My room and your portrait will turn to one whole,
This place will incur no more harm.
Madness so Sweet
Pearls of fantasies shine in the waters of hope
That February turned tears to.
We will certainly free weakened hands from the ropes
If wonder is all that we do.
Let us build a small ship as a shelter-to-be
And paint it all colors of spring.
It is madness so sweet to spend life on the sea;
I'll turn to a siren and sing.
In the song of my heart that can beat twice as fast
Your own inner voice is revealed.
Reminiscence I'll crave is for ages to last,
I'll gift you a moment to steal.
In Lines
Invisible scars,
The blades of your hands,
Repeating old lines of my own.
The well-hidden sense,
The hopeless romance,
The eyes that could gift me the dawn.
The days still go by,
Three months till July,
Love, listen, I'm honestly striving
To perpetuate
My fortunate fate,
Still learning the art of surviving.
But I am too weak,
Frail fingers do seek
A chance to entwine for a moment
With yours, then lose hold
And feel this strange cold,
Indulge in a beautiful torment.
The same tragic theme,
I've reached the extreme.
It seems I'll be waiting for ages
Of riddles and signs,
Of love fixed in lines,
Of counting papers and pages.
Life
I miss your voice, so soft and gentle,
The words I hardly figure out
And all our mornings are about -
A cigarette, tea flavored menthol,
The train, the underground noise,
Your sweet perfume, your eyes, your voice...
A warm embrace, so quick yet tender,
So evanescent yet desired,
The lurking verses you inspired -
A perfect mix, and I'll surrender.
You'll leave around half past five.
That's it. And, well, it is my life.
Diaries of Mystery
I search for the meaning and sense in your look
While trying to read all your thoughts like a book -
Your mind is a world to discover.
I'm dying to be your creation and muse,
Blue ink on black papers is hiding the truth
In songs of a desperate lover.
You've turned the gray colors to soft navy blue,
The whole palette is much brighter with you -
The art is in being sincere.
The moment of peace is right where you are,
The brush in your hands does conceal every scar,
My heart is your tapestry, dear.
You've brought me back faith, so hard to retrieve,
Your trust is a reason to breathe and believe,
And I will be thankful forever.
But gratitude only will never quite do,
I think my confessions have proved it all true,
Erasing both now and never.
I'm playing the game of incredible cards
Of red-colored spades just as well as black hearts,
It gives you a reason to fear.
I still let you into my dangerous mind,
I'll easily give you whatever you find
And share the crazy idea.
I dream of a kiss you could plant on my lips,
I dream of your gentle and soft fingertips,
Exploring my skin with much care.
To hear you breathing, to feel your heartbeat
Are such simple things, but I'm dying for it,
Yet I just keep silent and stare.
At times when you feel devastated and sad,
When desperate thoughts make a mess in your head,
Just sink in my arms - it's appeasing.
Whenever you crave for some love and caress,
At moments we all need it badly, I guess,
I keep them for you while I'm breathing.
Wings
I raise my swollen eyes to reach your sight,
I try to guess the song that's in your head,
I'm only thinking
Of how I will dream of you tonight,
While looking through the window from my bed,
As always drinking
Plum wine with morning flavor from the glass
You drank from when you came and made my day,
This way it's better.
I scan and gather moments due to pass,
I rhyme the words I cannot simply say
And write a letter.
We all are fallen angels with one wing,
We fly once flesh and souls do entwine,
Let's come together.
A wing is frail, but never ever think
I'll let you fall - I'll gladly give you mine
If yours lacks feathers.
One Moment
The imprints of your fingers
Have marked a half-full glass.
The sentiment still lingers,
The moment's due to pass.
Your glance can still appear
In my Campari drink,
Like blood that's mixed with tears,
Or passion's scarlet ink.
My hand's already missing
Your gentle velvet skin.
My heart is reminiscing
The sweetest little sin -
The dream that made my morning,
Your arms, your voice, your lips
Discover space for yearning.
I'd better go to sleep...
Crimson and Black
I'd sell my heart in paperback,
In verses for perverts to read.
The crimson lines look good on black,
Just like the world behind my lids.
For crimson is my poisoned blood
You'd never want to mix with yours,
For black is my denying heart
That's stained with lies and dead remorse.
Erase my love and drain my mind
Until my memory is void,
I want to be completely blind
To every trifle I enjoyed.
Your gentle touch is like a burn -
I play pretend I'm fine with heat.
I've reached the point of no return,
I find my peace in self-deceit.
Life Replaced
I am drenched in silver smoke
With my weekend brandy mates,
Laughing at the same old jokes,
Taking part in drunk debates.
When my forces get united,
I will leave the noisy bar,
Soon to find myself invited
To a ride in someone's car.
Midnight dates, adventures, strangers,
Mad ideas for some fun,
The temptation of the danger
To be liked by everyone.
Lust, elation, merging faces
Lighten all the darkest days.
But my love's lost scattered traces
Aren't that easy to erase...
Sincerity
The times of the rhyming sensations are ceased,
It's no surprise evil love has deceased.
My heart is a chamber with limited space,
Indifference got all my feelings erased.
Frail fibre is used to the memories' blade,
My thirst for your love is about to fade,
Deceiving myself is revealing the truth,
The pain of desire is easy to soothe.
Two opposite planets, two opposite spheres,
Both ruled by denying just being sincere
Will never be one due to different laws.
I have to accept it the way that it goes.
Sincerity stands for the lack of control,
And love never even existed at all.
So what does my poetry speak of, indeed?
Old scars are deprived of the pleasure to bleed.
Reminiscence
I miss the tune of my ringtone
That no one except us knew;
I went to bed with my cell phone
And dreamt of hearing from you.
Your voice became my sole salvation,
Your breath - the sweetest lullaby.
I miss the waiting at the station,
Observing people passing by,
And then your smile, a hint to linger
And have a menthol cigarette
I took from cold yet gentle fingers...
So guess what happens in my head
At times I drink that lemon beer
Or white plum wine, or cold ice tea.
I'm holding those mornings dear
And keep all memories with me.
Breakdown
The smell of Kent
Failed to bring me to life,
I felt almost nothing, kept silent like dead.
The poisoned blade
Of a sharp kitchen knife
Was bound to cut me, I dropped it instead.
It wasn't meant
To take place then, alas,
My memories, lurking, denied suicide.
My guise would fade
In a half-empty glass
And you would not even find out I died.
My swollen pride
Was revealed in my eyes,
Yet weakness was hidden behind my eyelids.
I stayed awake
To the gloomy sunrise,
It haunts me at moments when consciousness bleeds.
My other side
Is still craving for life;
These tough contradictions make up my true core.
Just one mistake
Fights the urge to survive
Or live ever after like never before?
Actress
I've turned to an actress regardless my will,
Life's poignant scenario brought me the skill.
Performing, I find the salvation
In changing my costumes and masks.
It keeps my true guise ever changing in turn,
The art of arranging's not easy to learn,
It's more than just bright decorations.
I've handled a difficult task.
I fear the thunder, still dance in the rain,
The gloomy surrounders claim I'm insane,
Not seeing the sense in its absence -
The actress is always to blame!
My tragical comedies last for a while,
Erasing the concepts "the truth" and "a guile",
Deceiving the evident essence,
I'm playing this innocent game.
I speak every language of pleasure and grief,
I've heard every rumor you spread and believe.
Well, I am the subject this season,
In fact, I am proud of it.
I'm nursing the thought they keep talking of me,
Quite happy to seem a discover-to-be
For no particular reason
Except such a playful deceit.
Reverie
I am breaking the vast glassy surface of make-believe seas,
As the moonlight is cutting the throat of scarlet sunrise,
I am screaming my heart out loud, I need to release
All my silently bitter emotions. I pray to the skies
To remain in this world for a lifetime and ruin it then,
In this perfect small drunken creation, in my fairytale,
In the land that's beyond now and never, some time and nowhen,
And indulge in the smell of tranquility I can inhale,
Where the past in a twist with the present and future unknown
Is revealed in the blossom of orchids and blue camomiles,
Mighty lightnings of fate never strike in this land of my own,
In this place I'm the only survivor. I'll stay for a while,
Till you come to my shelter and sing me a love serenade,
As you own the key to the gates, and the key is my heart,
First you gift me a dream, then you steal it from me, then you fade,
And I wake. It's another new day. It's another new start.
Fire
I used to compare myself with a fire,
So sudden, so restless, so hard to predict,
A definite danger to see and admire,
The gamut of colors one couldn't depict.
The flame is extinguished. The reason is clear -
I crave for love fuel, all I need is one match.
I'm stronger than every invisible tear
That turns to a raindrop. I'm starting from scratch.
I'll be a good guide for my soulmates-strangers,
A guard for the lost and the ones of my kind,
For anything frail I'll reveal only danger...
However, a match is not easy to find.
Love Secret
The level of pride in my blood is too high,
And shatters of passion are trapped in a shell,
I'm growing older, I cannot deny,
And something unique fills my heart's every cell.
Love sacred, love secret, love ably disguised
Is tormented, ever forbidden, but still
It speaks for itself, it is self-emphasized
At times when I quell it regardless my will.
The distance between us brings love only luck -
I'm close to you in my reverie land,
And when we do meet, I am totally struck
By "devil-may-care" and "just play-pretend".
White on White
Blank papers of bitter today
Do treasure the words white on white;
If they are forbidden to say,
Then my privilege is to write.
I choke on the poison I've drunk,
The root of my love is in grief;
I'm learning the foreigners' tongue
To perpetuate my belief.
The strength of my weakness denies
The myth only half proven true;
The lines that I can't recognize
One day were composed by you.
The sequel could come to an end,
But sanity claims it's too late,
I take all the pain to defend
The worlds my illusions create.
Duality
The pleasure to speak is my lost privilege,
And now insanity dwells on a page,
However, it's changing the color in days,
Revealing the truth my white pencil portrays.
But I'm getting sick of the poetess' fate,
I only enliven the worlds you create,
Denying the myths you don't want to believe,
Or perpetuate every side of my grief.
Today it's triangular, soon to be square,
Or even linear in case you are there,
You skillfully play with my changeable mood,
I'd steal such a talent from you if I could.
I paint the reality, live in a dream,
Duality kills me, I just wanna scream,
I'll find the salvation when, holding you close,
I'll speak of my feelings and keep them in prose.
Bound to Leave
It's half past eleven, he's bound to leave,
She's holding back tears, she whispers: "just stay";
He cannot reveal any reason to grieve
And says: "I'll be back, I will see you some day".
Some day in November is meant to be spring
That comes after February's damn thirtieth night,
When fantasy birds are encouraged to sing
In violet rays of the navy blue light.
...Her soft gentle voice is no longer that sweet,
Her mirror reflects such a vague silhouette,
Not able to simply get back on her feet,
She spends every day half-awake in her bed.
And when he recalls her in April or May,
He'll only discover a cold empty room.
The neighbors will frown and tell him the way
To where an orchid will wilt by a tomb.
Changes Part Two (November)
I'm looking around - a year has passed,
The moment I seized is forever to last,
The secrets of cherished November
Still live in the imprints of soft fingertips
You left on my key, in your eyes that eclipse
The various colors of amber.
The waters of changes surround my shore,
The eyes of the suburbs see right to the core,
Respond to my heart's aspiration.
Eternity lingers in love's every breath,
And it is my place from November till death,
My shelter, my sweet isolation.
It's plain and it's simple - I have understood
That I will keep writing this story for good
And send you mysterious letters.
Discover the worlds that my verses create
For you to unravel and investigate,
Just keep them, and nothing else matters.